Will The Fighting Harbaughs ever lose a game? Probably. Will The Ankle Breakers ever win one? Probably not. But you’ll never know unless you read the latest installment of game summaries from the Wharton Warrior Basketball League.
Beast Mode Ballers 76, Los Verdugos 54
I hadn’t heard that Dwight Howard joined the Wharton Warrior Basketball League, but based on the number of blocks and dunks by a Beast Mode Ballers big man last Tuesday, I had to double check the rosters. No Howard listed in the box score; just one “Big Daddy” George O’Garro doing his best Superman impression, as he poured in 21 points – including 3 dunks – and 5 blocks. Los Verdugos’ Marc Pearson summed up the performance nicely: “George’s shorts tasted fine the first time he dunked on me, but when he came down and did it again on the very next play, after I told him that he was done dunking for the day, it was a bit much. He’s a sweaty man.” O’Garro’s rim-rocking display led the Ballers to a 22-point victory, but he didn’t do it alone. He received quite a bit of help from “Nasty” Nick Liveris, who added 20 points, and the front-runner for sixth man of the year, Liveris’ even nastier mustache.
Ross Glasser had another impressive game for Los Verdugos. He scored 25 points but his team could not pull off the win in the absence of its star player, Zeeshan Hyder, who decided to spend the night seeking employment with an undisclosed investment bank.
Take My Talents 73, The Jimmers 44
When the season began, Take My Talents was projected to be a fast-paced, exciting team. But after losing the first two games of the season, the doubters began to wonder if this team could put all their “talents” together in a cohesive effort on the court. How quickly the fair weather fans change their tune! One win later, Take My Talents found themselves playing in front of a sellout crowd of believers (although there are reports that the “fans” were paid by Shern Frederick to attend).
With the roar of the crowd behind them, Take My Talents put on their most balanced performance of the year. Errol “Crossover” Christian consistently beat his man off the dribble, Brian Darcy was automatic from 15 feet, James Han dropped a flurry of threes, and Shern Frederick was everywhere both offensively and defensively. Christian and Frederick had season highs in scoring, with 18 and 11 points respectively. The Jimmers’ Brigham Wilson kept his team in it through the first half, but once he left to attend a LT 360 meeting, it was all over for the 1-3 Jimmers. The Talents dominated the second half and cruised to a 29-point win, the biggest win-margin of the evening.
Fighting Harbaughs 77, Ankle Breakers 49
There are only a few things are certain in this world: death, taxes, and horrendous basketball from the Ankle Breakers. In the least suspenseful game of the night, the Fighting Harbaughs remained undefeated in a rout of the winless Ankle Breakers. The Harbaughs are the last undefeated team in the league. But unlike their previous three wins, which were driven by defensive dominance, this one was an offensive clinic. Four players scored over a dozen points for the Harbaughs in the 28-point win.
There were some bright spots for the Ankle Breakers. Derek Sutta was solid with 14 points and two blocked shots. Also, the team is still without one of its stars, Chris “Ooooo” Oosterhuis, a dominant big man with a sweet outside jumper who will join the team in the Spring after finishing a semester at the Kennedy School at Harvard. And hey, a 28-point loss ain’t so bad when you’ve lost by 45 already this season. I know I’m in the minority, but I actually think this team will get a win before it’s all said and done. Hang in there Ankle Breakers!
Dreamliners 68, Animal Spirits 56
In a week full of blowouts, The Dreamliners and Animal Spirits battled it out in the only matchup decided by less than 20 points this week. In the end, Jeff Schiffner and The Dreamliners proved too much for an Animal Spirits squad missing both Rich Martin and Jeff Blisky.
This one was close from start to end. The Animal Spirits led at the end of the first half but Schiffner got hot in the second half, hitting consecutive threes on two different occasions. Screaming “let it rain” after every shot, Schiffner dropped 25 points in the game. Aaron Szekel notched an additional 22 points, but was visibly frustrated by the hard-nosed defense of Maura Burk. “We knew coming into this one that Aaron flops a lot. That’s his rep. So I just tried not to touch him,” Burk said after the game. The Spirits may have found another defensive presence in Burk, something the offensive minded team desperately needs if they want to separate themselves from the middle of the pack as the season wears on.